Are you constantly saying ‘yes’ to after-work drinks even when you’re exhausted? Do those Insta-worthy experiences leave you feeling more stressed than fulfilled? If this sounds familiar, you might be caught in what I call ‘The Yes Trap’ – an unfortunate combination of people-pleasing and FOMO that’s on the rise.
As a former people-pleaser who used to say ‘yes’ to every invitation and opportunity, I understand the struggle. Let’s dive into what these behaviours really mean and how they might be impacting your life and career.
What is People-Pleasing?
People-pleasing is more than just being nice or helpful. It’s a pattern of behaviour where you prioritise others’ needs and wants over your own, often to your own detriment.
“People-pleasing is like trying to fill everyone else’s cup while yours has a leak at the bottom.”
The People-Pleaser’s Checklist
Do you recognise yourself in any of these behaviours?
- Saying ‘yes’ to requests even when you want to say ‘no’
- Apologising excessively, even for things that aren’t your fault
- Avoiding conflict at all costs
- Feeling responsible for others’ emotions
- Neglecting your own needs and self-care
- Difficulty expressing your own opinions or preferences
- Feeling burnt out and overwhelmed frequently
If you’ve ticked off more than a few, you might be dealing with people-pleasing tendencies.
What is FOMO?
FOMO is the anxiety that an exciting or interesting event may be happening elsewhere, often aroused by posts seen on social media. It’s that nagging feeling that everyone else is having more fun, being more successful, or living a better life than you are.
Signs of FOMO in Young Professionals
- Constantly checking social media, even during work hours
- Overcommitting to social events and professional networking
- Difficulty being present in the moment
- Feeling anxious or inadequate after seeing others’ posts
- Making impulsive decisions to avoid missing out
The Impact on Young Professionals
For ambitious twenty-somethings navigating the fast-paced world of big cities like London, people-pleasing and FOMO can have significant consequences.
Career Implications
- Burnout: Constantly saying ‘yes’ to extra work or social commitments can lead to exhaustion. In fact, Mental Health UK’s Burnout report 2024 found that 91% of UK adults experienced high or extreme levels of pressure or stress in the past year, with one in five needing to take time off work as a result.
- Missed Opportunities: When you’re too busy fulfilling others’ requests or chasing the next big thing, you might miss chances for meaningful growth and advancement.
- Undervaluation: People-pleasers often struggle to advocate for themselves, potentially missing out on promotions or fair compensation.
Personal Life Impact
- Relationship Strain: Authentic connections are built on honesty and presence, not constant agreement or divided attention.
- Loss of Identity: Constantly molding yourself to others’ expectations or comparing yourself to others can lead to losing touch with your own desires and values.
- Financial Stress: FOMO can lead to overspending on experiences or material goods in an attempt to keep up with peers.
The Root Causes
Understanding why we fall into these patterns is crucial. Often, they stem from:
- Low self-esteem or imposter syndrome
- Fear of rejection or abandonment
- Childhood experiences where love felt conditional
- Cultural or societal expectations, especially in competitive cities like London
- The highlight reel effect of social media
Breaking Free: The First Step
Recognising your people-pleasing and FOMO tendencies is a significant first step. It’s about acknowledging that your worth isn’t determined by how much you do for others or how many events you attend, but by being true to yourself.
“The first step to breaking free from The Yes Trap is realising that the most important ‘yes’ you can give is to yourself.”
In the upcoming posts in this series, we’ll explore how these behaviours impact various aspects of your life and career, and provide practical strategies to break free from The Yes Trap. We’ll dive into setting healthy boundaries, learning to say ‘no’, managing your social media use, and rediscovering what truly matters to you.
Remember, overcoming people-pleasing and FOMO isn’t about becoming selfish or disconnected – it’s about finding a healthy balance that allows you to thrive personally and professionally.
Stay tuned for my next post in the series, where we’ll delve into how The Yes Trap affects your career and what you can do about it!
Ready to Take Action?
You’ve done the hard work – recognising your people-pleasing tendencies is the first step towards learning how to set healthier boundaries.
If you’re looking for support to reclaim your time and energy, my Burnout Buster program might be just what you need. With one-on-one personalised coaching, we’ll work together to prioritise your well-being without sacrificing your ambitions. Covering setting healthy boundaries, how to say no and practising self-care, you’ll be well-equipped to nip people-pleasing in the bud!
Interested in learning more? Click here to find out how we can work together 🙂